Saddened

Over the weekend we went to visit my parents grave site. My father died in 2001 and my mother shortly after in 2004. I was a bit upset to find their site looking a little worse for wear, so we plan to go back soon and tidy it up.

It is customary for us to drive past the last place they lived when leaving the area. When we went by it was like something hard dropped in my stomach. The trailer was gone, actually the whole trailer park was gone.

It was just another reminder that when you die the world goes on. Which bothers me a bit even though I know it is true, because to me a part of me stopped the day my parents died. A part of me was suspended in time, with the rest of my body going on.

It hit me quite hard and I shed a few tears. Dennis even said he saw the look in my face. It was like losing a part of them all over again. See when Dennis and I don't get a long I used to go to my parents and spend time with them, now if it is at night I take the car and drive past the places I lived with my parents. It soothes me, and when I feel better I am able to return to the house, my husband, and the kids. Rarely does it happen during the day but if it does I visit them at the grave site.

Which brings me to the last bit of being sad. I know how I was with my parents and how much I loved them, and how respectful I was of them. I also know how my husband is and was with his parents. I just don't understand how families today can just turn their backs on each other. I just can not put my mind around it. It sickens me.

I guess I was brought up right to love everyone always, be forgiving, talking things through, and always trying to help out when needed. I guess that is why I have always been the mediator, because I want everyone to get along always, which in a lot of ways makes me a door mat, but I would rather be more like Jesus in forgiving and loving people then to be sour, hateful, and spiteful.

Life is meant to be full of love, not hatred. So in leaving you tonight I pray for everyone to take a minute and see if you can turn that hate back around into a loving feeling. No one knows what tomorrow brings.