Sunday, August 30, 2015

My Lost Son

Why did I name this "My Lost Son". Well here is the story from what I know, he got mad at us for something, blaming us for others, and can't come to terms with the damage he caused to his siblings from choices he made.

He cut off contact with us and wants us to figure out what is wrong. Well I tell you I know what is wrong his mind is clouded with drinking and drug use, he is not listening to God.

Do I still love him? You bet I do. Everyone makes mistakes and until he is ready to live up to the ones he made, his mind will be clouded with blaming others instead of trying to make amends for things he did that he knew were wrong, and doesn't want to admit to.

Most of the things he did wrong I didn't even get to talk to him about because I didn't find out about them until he had left the nest, so is his mind playing with him, making him feel guilty and his only recourse is to hate his parents.

That might be the case but either way I hope he comes to his senses before his father or I pass on. Until then I will continue to pray for him.

I miss being able to talk to him, hear about his magic shows, and how life is being married now. (We weren't even invited to his wedding, and no one who would have set him straight was either, they only invited the people who follow instead of lead).  I hope someday to be able to catch up on it all.

Everytime we our out near where he lives I hope to run into him, catch a glimpse of him, anything to hold on to. Every now and then someone sneaks me a picture of him which I look at daily until I get a new one.

He was my first born, looks like both his dad and mine which makes him quite the catch. I wish him and his wife all the luck in the world, but hope he never forgets about his family or how we raised him to be strong, independent, adaptive, forgiving, and loving of God.

One day I hope to write to you all and let you know that our son has returned. I was kind of hoping he would watch "confessions of a prodigal son", so he could understand that we love him unconditionally, no matter what he has done wrong, we will always listen to him, be here for him, until we have passed on , and then I hope our words of encouragement throughout the years keep him moving forward.

If you happen to read this Buke know we will always love you.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Life isn't always easy

I guess I will start with what has been going on with my husband since last year. He graduated being on the President's list every semester, and is now sporting a nice Degree. He may plan to go back to school and go for the next step in his degree, but for now he is taking a little time off.

Being disabled and going to college really took its toll on him. He is thankful he was able to go but wasn't even able to go to graduation because the walk, standing, etc was just too hard on his leg, and back, but don't worry we got some pictures of my husband all dressed up in his finest on the day my daughter Dennise graduated from high school a little more then a month later.

His workman's comp case ended leaving him disabled for the rest of his life. He has a lot of roadblocks on how he can work, how much time he can work, and where even in a building his office will have to be because of him not being able to walk that well.

We are currently waiting for his Disability to kick in, until then well we are struggling a bit, Ok more like a lot. We are a strong family that can adapt but the road has been a bit rough to say the least. He is in pain every day with both his leg and back , as well as having edema.

When we first noticed the edema they said his heart, blood pressure etc was fine, but months have gone by and now my husband's blood pressure has been high for a while, with the edema not going away. We are due for a physical soon and then we will know how he really is doing after the new blood tests come back.

He is used to working long hours, overtime, and giving it his all. He isn't used to depending on others and it makes him more then a little angry at the smallest things. He is used to being the one with the strength to get everything done, not the one who needs help with things he could do easily before. There are things he could do in minutes that takes him all day to do, things that took hours that take weeks, and some things he only wishes he could still do.

He never really understood what being disabled really meant until it happened to him. The thing is there are people with way worse things going on with their disabilities and he wonders just how to they get along when he has such a hard time.

Each disability is different and has different effects on each persons life that is attached to it from the very person who has the disability to the family and friends they are surrounded by. We take each day at a time, and try to get through his hard days.

Lots of yelling and anger come from him but I know this time will pass and it will regulate, he is just having a hard time getting used to it. He would usually depend on me in the end but with me having Fibromyalgia even I can only do so much for him, and it falls short in so many ways. Prayer is always accepted for our family, matter of fact it is welcomed.

Life isn't always easy, but I wouldn't want to go through it with anyone else.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Always something unexpected

It has been almost a year since my last update. Boy does time fly by. In case you didn't know I am still blogging over on my Blog MarksvilleandMe, which I think I have told my readers before, but just in case I thought I would throw that out there for anyone who missed it. Of course One mother;s account of daily life is linked over there so if you would like to follow there as well you can read my other blog as well. It is more of a review site but then again I do throw in a few personal blogs as well.

I am still finding my niche to writing a blog, it has grown by leaps and bounds. I am learning a lot along the way and it seems to be working.  I continue to thank my first readers of my blogs from other sites I have frequented over the years and hope you will continue the journey with our family throughout the years ahead.

Life has been super busy with my children, family, and friends. Ups and Downs along the way with twists hard enough to turn us right upside down. We always seem to get turned right side up again, but it takes work and lots of faith in God.

I will try to get into more of what has been happening in the last year with out losing you by going back and forth. I am thinking I will do a post on each family member and then one on the family as a whole. That might work. I do apologise for keeping everyone on the edge of their seats for so long but hopefully you are following me over on facebook and my other social media, catching a glimpse or two of what has been going on.

I had brought up my computer to do a blog before turning in for the night and did not expect my computer to take a fall off of our bed. It works but now sports a cracked screen which I believe we have coverage for, but going without my computer while it is getting fixed could be a problem so I will have to see what my husband's plan is to keep me up and blogging while it is out being repaired.

Life is full of unexpected happenings...take each day one second at a time. Breathe and make your way step at a time.