Samantha is struggling

Some of you may remember that Samantha blessed us with our first granddaughter while she was still in High School. Having a baby didn't stop her from completing school on time, or even being the first teen mother to pump milk in our school.

The day after graduation she started working and from then on she never stopped until she went on leave for our second grand daughter's birth. After she had her second baby things went South pretty quickly. I noticed she was losing weight way to quickly. Her excuse was that she was working a lot, running, and taking care of the girls, which left me saying well maybe but the weight didn't stop and soon I asked to see her hands and sure enough she had teeth mark scars on on her knuckles from making herself vomit after eating.

On top of this she would stop eating for days, binge, and then purge. I told her she had to talk to the Dr. or I would and that I would tell them she was coming in to see them because the eating disorder was taking over her mind. Even with the Dr.'s help with her having no insurance she couldn't stay on her medication. Soon she was in and out of the hospital being infused with vitamins and them trying to get her to eat.

She decided to move far away thinking that would stop everything and if it didn't she would be closer to facilities for eating disorders that are not near where we live. Living in the country and being in a poor county doesn't help places that can help daughters like mine set up business.

She has been in and out a few times since she has moved, she has a Dr, and specialists, as well as a clinic that is trying to help her. The last time she was in the Hospital, which she still is in they had her on a feeding tube. She had gone two weeks without vomiting and today stress got to her from something that shouldn't have even been done by someone so close to her because they know that stress is her number one trigger. If she doesn't feel like she has control of the situation she resorts to vomitting or not eating because that is the one things that she can control, or more like what controls her now.

She is just 21 with 2 little girls to take care of and a not so stable relationship. Her being far away is also putting stress on our family. Everytime the phone rings we worry. I want to just go, pick her and the girls up, bring them back here, so I can take care of them, but she is an adult, she likes her freedom. I want to give her that room, but the mom in me doesn't like it one little bit. I worry about her day and night and can't sleep most nights. I usually start falling asleep of pure exhaustion in the early hours of the morning when the sun is starting to come up.

For my other religious readers. I know I try to give it to God but the human side of me worries about her, my heart aches for her. I want it to be like when she was little so that I can just hug or kiss the boo boo away but it just won't help this time. Prayer is the best thing I can do for her along with being here to listen to her when she wants to talk.

Samantha is struggling but I still have faith that she will overcome this sickness, and be able to move on to raise her two granddaughters and see them someday give her grand children of her own. That is my wish for her. To be happy everyday with herself. To love herself, so she can love others.

I don't think she or my other children will ever realize just how much I love, care, dream, or think about them every minute of the day. Besides God waking me everyday, they are one of the first things and last things I think about each day, the reason I keep moving on. They are my life.