Answer to... I never Wanted to Work… I just wanted to be a Mom

Tonight I read a post by another blogger and she asked how other parents felt and I went to reply but it turned into a blog of my own so I am going to answer it here on my own blog. 

You can find Midget Momma's post here. 

As a child I always dreamed of working with people. Some of the things I wanted to do were become a Lawyer, change the world, work in the peace corp, but being sick from birth this was really unrealistic for me. It didn't stop me from pushing myself when I was well though. 

Even though the Dr.'s didn't want me working I took on a few jobs growing up like babysitting, picking strawberries, feeding calves, milking cows, working in a mom and pop store. 

Once I was a mom I returned to work from time to time when we needed money even though the Dr.'s said I shouldn't. Over the last 24 + years of being both a mom and wife I returned to the mom and pop store I had worked in as a teen, then moved onto a grocery store, cleaned houses, ran my own child care, worked with the mentally disabled, worked at a theater, dabbled in merchandising, and finally settled on Blogging which fits right in with my life. 

I have a weak immune system that I have lived with since birth, several blood disorders, bad kidneys, and the final blow that put my life on hold was getting fibromyalgia. My body finally said look enough is enough you have been warned not to work too many times we are shutting it down. So here I am wondering what to do. 

Over the years I have written diaries, online journals, and after several of my readers said I should start a blog, which I really knew nothing about I said sure I'll give it a try. Others said you can review products and keep them for free. Others said some companies will even pay you. 

I am not making enough to pay any one bill, but over the year I am able to put away gifts for Birthdays, Christmas, as well as having gift cards on hand to purchase things for our home. I don't get to pick the stores that I get the gift cards for, but I make do the best I can. 

My husband was hurt at his job several years ago. Recently his workman's comp had ended and they say he will be disabled for the rest of his life. So here we are waiting for his Disability to go through. Just a note, they turn down everyone who is under 50 the first time (at least this is what I have been told). My husband has always been a good worker, a overtime hog, moved up the ladder in any of his jobs quickly, loved by his coworkers, and now that is gone. He has gone through all kinds of emotional moments because of not being able to do things he used to do. It is so sad that one fall can change your life in so many ways. 

Right now we are depending on Public Assistance which we thought we would never have to do again. We were on it a short time when we were still teen parents, never expecting that we would have to depend on it again. I recently had my Disability court date and the third party person told the Judge with my problems there would be no job I could keep for any length of time. That was really depressing. 

You may be asking what about blogging? Well not everyone who blogs can make a rent or mortgage payment much less a car payment per month, so am I going to give up blogging? Not at all. I love to talk and write so blogging is a perfect way for me to stay in touch with others on my own time, around my illnesses, and still be home to take care of my children (although most days they really take care of me). Big parts of me are gone forever and some parts resurface from time to time and then I over do things to get back on track. 

For instance I used to be able to look after 12+ child care children, our own 4 at the time, as well as take care of the house, run errands, and have dinner on the table, as long as I wasn't ill. Now if I get the dishes done once or twice a month it is a miracle. I am currently blogging from time to time for Best Buy which either pays me in product or a gift card. I hope to have enough Gift cards to purchase a portable dish washer as we do not own our home, but this might help me out enough that I can again give my family a nice hot meal on the table more then 2-3 times a month. 

When I have energy I use it all up and end up in pain for many days after. The Dr. keeps telling me I can not do what I used to do that I shouldn't have been doing in the first place, that I have to pace myself. I tell him it is hard to pace myself on a good day because I just want to get as much done as I can so I can feel good about what I have accomplished. 

Sure I have tons of happy pictures from this summer from getaways with our children. What you don't see is me sitting down in one area and letting my children go on the rides around the area I was sitting in, or when we could get a electric scooter me rolling around so they could see more of the parks we went too. We went to the beach and had a great time, but for 3 days  after I was in so much pain that I couldn't do anything other then get out of bed, stay in my pajamas, and wish I could do things around the house. 

Having Fibromyalgia is no fun, being disabled sucks, but I try to keep my head up when I can, along with having faith that this is the path I am supposed to be on while on this Earth. 

Back to the question. "I would love to hear your feelings if you have been in this situation or some tips on how to handle the mommy guilt and feeling like crap about working when being a Mom was what you wanted to do vs working like you are." quoted from Midget Momma

Do I feel guilty about when I worked out of the home? I sure do I missed out on my older children's youth as well as finding out years later things were not always what they seemed when I was putting in all of those overtime hours. Our children kind of raised themselves when we were not home for about 4 and half years, things were not always kosher. I can't change what happened in the past, all I can do is make things different now. I still beat myself up about working outside of the home more often then anyone would know. 

My children have missed out on lots of things because of me being sick so often, but the days I am well I try to make the best of the time we have together and hope someday they will look back like I do on my parents and say how did they do it all? 

Blogging has actually made it possible to do more things with my children then I ever imagined, from free trips, toys, products for the home, as well as opening my children up to how the retail world, commercials, advertising, and yes even us bloggers help products get noticed by others. 

I wanted to be a mother, not someone who worked outside of the home, but when you are raising your children and need money to pay the bills sometimes these things happen. I am lucky, all of my children are alive, sure some really bad things happened to them, but they are alive and well. I can't take back what happened yesterday but I can change tomorrow.

My faith gets me through, as well as lots of meditation, yoga, love for my family, stubbornness (being a taurus does that), a will to survive, and prayer. I have a zeal for life, smile everyday and love to learn new things. 

I have always said if you do not enjoy your job, then don't do it and move on. If it doesn't make you happy then it isn't right for you. For my friend blogger out there, take time for your children everyday. Even if that means bringing them into the blog to review items, spend time reading that book you have to review for children. Let them tell you how they liked it and write it from their perspective. Work early in the morning or late in the evening, but make sure you take time for yourself as well. 

I love to talk and write but I also love to read, which I try ti fit in everyday, and I don't mean reading to the kids before bed which we call snuggles and stories. One of my favorite things in the world to do is to take a bath and read. With Fibromyalgia I can not get into the bathtube and out again so on those good days when I can I relish the time I have to lay back and take a bath while reading.

From one mom to another life is hard and you have to do the best with what you were given. Some people have more, some people have less I am somewhere in between and I am fine with that. Hugs to all of the moms out there, take one day at a time, cherish the time you have now, tomorrow is not promised.